A Queer Girl’s Guide to Online Dating


Photo by Yogas Design on Unsplash


Dating and being in relationships can be an intimidating and difficult experience for many individuals, especially for members of the LGBTQ+ community.


With online dating apps such as Tinder and Bumble, many queer women encounter straight men in their feed of potential matches — despite the fact that they set their settings towards individuals who don’t identify as men.


It’s an issue that I’ve had to deal with myself as I recall accidentally matching with a straight, cis man on Bumble and him messaging me saying “I’ll turn you straight again.” Don’t even get me started on the number of times I’ve been asked to have a threesome because of the myth that bisexuals are “promiscuous, polygamous, and/or immoral.”


Moving on from the issues of straight, cis men in our DMs, another problem of being a queer girl in the online dating community is the fact that other queer individuals are difficult to match with.

Speaking from experience, it’s more likely for someone to match and meet up with someone who identifies as straight and cis than someone who is part of the LGBTQ+ community.


One of the main things I notice when it comes to matching with other queer individuals is that we have this way of communicating that never leads anywhere. It’s as if we friend zone each other from the get-go because we don’t want to come off too strong or intimidating.

Photo by courtney coles on Unsplash


If you’re trying to match with a cute girl on Tinder, don’t start the conversation with “oh my gosh, you’re really pretty” followed by the simp emoji unless you want to get ghosted.


I’d suggest starting the conversation based on the other person’s photos. What stands out in their picture? Are they holding a dog in their picture? Are they at a concert — what concert was it? Paying attention to the other person’s profile demonstrates that you’re interested in them and could end up in a better, open discussion that leads somewhere.


Another piece of advice would be to not be afraid to simply ask someone to meet up. As someone who hates small talk, I always prefer meeting in person because you’re able to get a sense of how a person is and overall communicate better.

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash


By following COVID health guidelines and getting vaccinated, you can meet up with another person and see how things go from there. If it leads nowhere, that’s ok! At least you were able to have that experience of meeting and learning about another person.


At the end of the day, how you go about online dating is up to you. Never do something that you are not comfortable with and always choose safety before anything else.


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